Dear Future Self

Dear Future Self – What’s with your selfish ass? You’ve got the drop on shit comin’ around the bend, how bout a little hand up every now and then? Seriously, just a little note about that guy that farted on the bus? To much to ask? And how about when the zoo is going to be closed for “technical reasons”? Something tells me you probably saw that one coming. Would have saved me a lot of effort. I mean, it’s not like I’m asking for lottery picks or anything. Just a pointer once in awhile. It must be nice having already waded through all this, but honestly, a little heads up from time to time wouldn’t hurt, you selfish prick. – Current Self

Published in: on April 8, 2008 at 6:14 am  Comments (1)  

Response to Letter From Toilet Seat To Shower Curtain

Dear Shower Curtain: All I have to say is, I bet it was, you filthy bastard. I bet it was. But at least the assholes I look at are shiny and clean. Look at the bright side, you filthy piece of shit. While you just get sprayed down and stay, in another month I’ll be gone to the dump. But I will be replaced, with another like minded individual such as I. And the torment will begin anew. You can’t escape my wrath, seat. The war has just now begun.

Published in: on April 5, 2008 at 9:27 am  Leave a Comment  

Three Little Pennies

Dear Sir. You lost your little bright dreams, emotionless faces marching down the cement gutter wall. Gleaming and glimmering, left for me to scoop. I appreciate the attempt, sir, but I’d rather others. Ones pressed in my palm, asking for change, a chance, for luck. Hoping I might take them while still warm and relevant. Your dreams are shiny and fresh, washed over too many times and no longer with a heartbeat all their own. I don’t have the time for your dreams, sir. I prefer mine, tarnished and warm in my hot little hand. Think I’ll leave yours in the gutter, sir, for someone else to find.

Published in: on April 5, 2008 at 9:14 am  Comments (1)  

Submission Report 00387

Submission Report 00387, 0613 hours. All parallel media found. Status report OK. Life form appears to be tracking, status systems read in the informative zone. No apparent response to outside stimulus. Diagnostic readings suggest dormant state. Apparent lack of endocrine system is proving to make for a difficult analysis. Resident doctor suggests life form may be hostile. Request approval for termination denied. Will request again at 1200 hours, at which point immediate evac will also be advised. Members of the crew are beginning to act strangely. Evac point will be requested at delta alpha etract point PT42279, star system M2Omega 421. For the love of god, help us. …–… <Transmission End>

Published in: on April 5, 2008 at 8:40 am  Leave a Comment  

My Dearest Annalee ….

The Egyptians used to say that the Ka, or the soul, escaped through a man’s mouth as he was about to die. Loosened by the death rattle, drifting slowly towards the heavens. Every speck, every glimmer in a man’s eye is but a memory. Like a tiny million candles extinguished¬†one by one. An old projector, if you will, coughing up old images right up until the batteries finally fade away. Hell, if it wasn’t for the fact that death is so damn ugly, I might be beautiful someday. At least in my own mind. Perhaps I’ll get a double feature. Everything is easier the second time around. I’ve missed your correspondence lately …¬†Please write soon.

Published in: on April 3, 2008 at 5:15 am  Leave a Comment